Twas the Night Before Chirstmas
by Sekaya93
Summary: When Sasuke has to read to some kids for a grade and Naruto comes along...it could end VERY badly! This is a parody of a Jeff Dunham skit ...I own NOTHING!


A Christmas NaruSasu Special

Twas the Night Before Christmas

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or The Night Before Christmas OR the screwed up version, That all goes to Jeff Dunham and Peanut and Guitar Guy!

Sasuke was packing his stuff up in his school bag when Naruto walked threw the front door.

"Whatcha doin Sasuke..." Naruto said flinging his jacket onto a nearby chair. Sasuke sighed as he felt Naruto lean on his shoulder to see what Sasuke was placing into his bag.

"Ugh, I have to read this to some 4th-9th graders to get some volunteer points on my Senior Christmas project for health." Sasuke replied. Naruto grabbed the book Sasuke had showed him it was titled 'Twas the Night Before Christmas'. Naruto's eyes lit up. He loved kids and its not like he had anything else to do.

"Can I come?" Naruto asked. Sasuke turned to Naruto who had a grin on his face.

"No.." Sasuke simply stated.

"Why not!"

"Because I said so!" Sasuke grabbed the book from him and stuffed it into his bag.

"Please Sasuke!"

"No you'll probably find some way to screw it up!"

Naruto Scoffed. "How do you freaking screw up Twas the Night Before X-Mas?!?!" Sasuke thought about this.

"...Fine" Sasuke said. "Just don't do anything stupid!" Naruto dashed upstairs and got on his red and green jump suit to look festive. Then he thought about it. He could make this funny. I mean come on the Twas the Night Before Christmas is probably memorized by even three year olds for god sakes! Naruto grinned as he met Sasuke at the door to leave for the Library.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Naruto and Sasuke sat in front of the semi circle of kids 4th graders in front to 9th graders on the sides. Sasuke coughed to clear his throat.

"Um ok...So let's start.." he started. He pulled the book out of his bag. "this is Twas the Night Before Christmas." Naruto grinned.

"This would be a great time for all the muslums to go to the bathroom." There was a few laughs from a few 8th and 9th graders. Sasuke looked back at Naruto with an 'are you stupid?' look then started the story.

"Twas the night before Christmas--"

"And all the Jews were at the movies..." Naruto said as if it were part of the story. Sasuke glared at Naruto as some more kids laughed at that. Naruto just kinda pretended to make it look like he was behaving. He started up again.

"Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house--"

"Why's it always a house!" Naruto asked amusingly.

"What?" Sasuke said.

"There are kids that live in apartments ya know! How does Santa Claus get to the kids in the apartments Uncle Sasuke!!" Naruto asked all child like. "They must buzz his ass in..." Naruto stated. Roars of laughter from the kids. Sasuke's jaw dropped. Naruto ginned and laughed himself. "Beep Beeeeep Santa Claus!" He joked. Sasuke sighed. At least it was enjoyable.

He continued. "And all through the APPARTMENTS, not a creature was stirring--"

"Except for the asshole in 2B..." Naruto mumbled. The kids laughed again. Sasuke glared at Naruto.

"Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse--"

Naruto scoffed. "Mouse? You wish! Your in an apartment, that's a rat!" The 4th graders laughed along with the other kids now.

Sasuke growled at him. Naruto was not threaten in the least! What's he gonna do here! He cant kill him here in front of the kids. HA! Naruto got him there! Sasuke just continued on.

"The stockings were hung by the chimney with care--"

"And believe me, the room could really use some fresh air..." Naruto said as if continuing the story. Sasuke finally turned to him. "Seriously! How the hell did that tradition start" Naruto asked. All the kids laughed.

"What?"

"Hanging up dirty laundry and hoping Santa would fill it up with goodies EWWW!" Naruto joked. "I wanna suck in this candy-cane but it smells like dads feet!" The kids roared with laughter again. Naruto grinned. "Hey! Good thing the tradition wasn't jock-straps!" The whole grades from about 6th grade up started dying with laughter. Sasuke actually laughed a bit at that one too. A few girls ewww'd. Naruto Joked again. "'Sally what's in yours?'....'Nuts...'" Every person in that library laughed hysterically. Sasuke glared.

"Naruto! You are ruining this story!!"

"Well your the pervert eatin out of your own jock-strap!" Naruto came back. Everybody roared with laughter, were dying of laughter actually. Sasuke's face was shocked at Naruto's come back. He just turned around and started YET AGAIN!

"With Ma in her kerchief and I in my cap, had just settled down--"

"For a big snort of Crack!" The older kids laughed. Naruto grinned he knew Sasuke was pissed and couldn't do anything about it! Sasuke just held his breath and grind his teeth. Just then Naruto was looking over his shoulder.

"You gotta get to the part where Santa gets busted for breaking and entering... where is that?"

"Its not breaking and entering..."

"Oh keep reading I believe it qualifies!!" Naruto stated. Sasuke just ignored him and continued.

"As I drew in my head and was turning around, down the chimney St. Nicolas came with a bound--"

"So he fell down..."

"Yeah..."

"And didn't it also say his face was all red?"

"Yeah..."

"Why does not one ever see this HE IS DRUNK OFF HIS ASS!" The kids erupted with laughter. Sasuke glared at Naruto again over his shoulder. "THIS IS A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE STORY!!!" Sasuke ignored this, He continued.

"He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot, and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot--"

"That, drinkin and driving, in a furry GAY outfit, covered in soot, he's smoking and you let him in the house because he said he had something for your kids." Naruto accused jokingly. The kids laughed. "What the hell kind of parent are you anyway?" he asked. "If I were you I would check his ID then TAZER his fat ass! And how fat is this guy anyway!? Everyone always leaves him a plate full of cookies. I think Santa's a diabetic too don't you think? Leave him a plate of insulin how bout that, can't wait to hear this story next year. _The Night Before Christmas: Part 2 - Santa's on Dialysis and he's missing a leg..._" The kids laughs again.

Sasuke turned around and snapped. "CAN I FINISH THIS STORY?!"

"Oh please do..." Naruto said with girly childish batting of eyelashes. Sasuke continued.

"He sprang to his sleigh to his team gave a whistle---"

"Gotta go quick cuz there's a cop with a pistol..." Naruto said. The kids laughed again, and Sasuke glared....AGAIN.

"But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of site--"

"Merry Christmas to all-- oh crap I ran over your bike..." Naruto finished. Sasuke closed the book and the kids started clapping. Sasuke was surprised. "Naruto your gonna get it when you get home!" Naruto gulped he knew he was gonna get it.

Just then a little 4th grader came up and tugged on Sasuke's sweats. He looked down, it was a little girl. "yes?" he asked her.

"Woul-Would you come back..next year and read it to us!" The girl asked shyly. Sasuke looked up all the kids behind her were all nodding and pleading him to come back next year. Sasuke smiled (*gasp*) and nodded. The girl gave and excited little squeel and bounded off into the crowd of 4th graders. Sasuke turned to Naruto.

"Lets go.." Sasuke said grabbing Naruto's hand as soon as they get outside and out of view of the kids...Naruto was worried about what he was gonna get when he got home but it was totally worth it to see the funny smiles on the kids faces instead of board unresponsive ones. Naruto wondered, however, what Sasuke had in store for him...

((Chapter 2 will be a bit sexually graphic so your virgin eyes should probably not advance to the next chapter.

However if you are like me and like Gay, Kinky, Hard-core, Yoai smex then by all means advance and judge me on my smex scene))

THANK YOU!

~Sekaya93


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